Yesterday I met a dear friend at the park and shared some personal information with her about our family. She's one of the few people I can share this kind of thing with. She won't judge. She won't condemn. She won't say "it's about time you did something". She held my hand and said, "I'm sorry." and wanted to know if I was going to share it on my blog. In truth, I did not plan on it. I didn't want to. I have been sharing so much of our struggles with Holland. And yet keeping so much hidden because it's embarrassing and hurtful for me and the kids to have people look at you and wonder what in the heck you did wrong with this kid to have him turn out this way.
I guess I could start with why he's at a residential facility 2 hours from home. He has become unsafe for me and his brother and sister. And the three times I've called the police, they've either looked to the wrong kid for blame (yes, they actually called out Egypt one time), two separate times, they basically chalked it up to 'brothers just rough housing' and 'not getting along'. The therapist we were seeing said to make sure any time I had to call the police, to make sure they understood that I didn't feel safe with him in the house. Wanna know how horrible that feels to say about your child? But that is the only way to get any attention from "the system". Then when I started getting attention from "the system", they kept calling and asking why I wasn't pressing charges against Holland and having him arrested.
He physically hit, punched, kicked and threw things at all three of us; he has broken three windows in the house; he has punched holes in the walls; he has slammed doors so hard they have come off the hinges; he has physically tried to jump out of a moving car; he has thrown himself on a moving car when he doesn't want me to leave; he has pushed me down the stairs and has bruised all three of us. I've had to physically remove him and restrain him so he doesn't hurt his siblings.
My therapist told me about a place called Jasper Mountain. It seemed like the perfect fit for him. It's the only place in state that dealt with adoption and attachment issues. It's also not on our insurance. With phone calls becoming a full time job (between keeping the kids safe and the house from falling down), I was able to get the insurance to say they would allow Jasper Mountain to be an in-network facility if a few guidelines were followed to meet their criteria. The only catch was, the facility ages out kids at 14 years. No exception. We have until March. They didn't have an opening until mid to late October. They do have several other facilities which are either day treatment or shorter term residential facilities. We were referred to the Safe Center and a week ago found out that there was an opening on the 15th.
Super Hero and I drove Holland to what I told him was a doctor appointment, Wednesday morning. Knowing his behavior from past experiences, this was the only safe way to transport him to the treatment facility. He was pretty groggy from meds and not much sleep, so I think that contributed to his reaction of just sobbing when I told him. As opposed to the normal hitting and kicking and screaming that usually happens when he doesn't like what's happening.
I will write more later when I have had time to process everything that has happened. I've been sleeping a lot - this has been a very draining experience. And the hot weather is not helping at all. I've spoken to him twice. He said he's refusing to eat and then in the next sentence asked me to buy him a laptop when he gets home.