Every day there's a tension as to whether Holland will get in his van for school. Even after it's driven off, I still am worried that the driver will come back to my driveway and say "there's no way I'm drivin' this kid 45 minutes!" He's refused to get in the van three times. And two of those times have been after I gave him a particular medication the night before. It's a catch-22 with his sleeping. He takes something to help him sleep, but it doesn't keep him asleep long enough. Well, long enough for me. He can probably survive on the sleep he's getting, but since it's so unsafe for him to be wandering around the house in the early morning, it would be best for all of us if he could stay asleep until 7 a.m. That's where the second med came into play. The first time we reintroduced it, I gave him half the dose he had before. I had so much trouble waking him up to get ready for school. He was so cranky and obviously still had the med in his system. He refused to get in the van (this is the time where the driver threatened to call the police because he was so overwhelmed with what to do).
So a few days ago, the psychiatrist suggested trying it again because he's not staying asleep long enough. Same thing happened the next morning. He's overly cranky, mean to everyone and causing problems when I'm dropping Romania at his bus stop. When we get home, the van is already in the driveway and he's upset because he's too tired and wants me to drive him in. I tell him that's not part of the day's plan. That he has to ride the van if he wants the reward of me picking him up after 10 successful days going in. Well, I found out that part of the reason he was so upset is that one of the staff had scheduled two different times to come for a home visit and had to cancel. The first time was bearable, the second was not. So, he was tired and on top of that very upset that this person wasn't coming like she had promised twice.
So he ended up staying home on Tuesday. Just flat out refused to get in the van. I had to cancel the entire day's plans of errands and things with Egypt. I was so frustrated. The whole point of having him at this day treatment program was to get the help he needed for his behavior. So far, they've seen very little of what I see at home. They are probably still wondering why I fought so hard to get him out there. They probably think I'M the nut job for not just putting him in a regular educational setting. Well, I take that back. They saw a glimpse of that last week when I came to school for a meeting and he wanted to come home with me. He got outside the locked gate and clung to my van for dear life. Then when I called my mom to tell her I would be late picking up Egypt, he crawled on top of the van and jumped up and down trying to get me to change my mind. I let 5 staff just stand around the van to make sure he wasn't going to hurt himself. But I waited it out (they asked how long I wanted to wait. Usually I don't get that benefit because it's jut me against him all other confrontations. But this time with so many adults around, tag-teaming was a lot easier.) It took him 45 minutes to get off my van and come inside and another 20 to 30 to be able to be calm enough to talk and walk off his anxiety. Turns out his speech teacher is a really great person to have around. He had us walking and talking and within 5 minutes, Holland was taking deep, relaxing breaths that he'd been holding in for over an hour.
So the stress of getting Holland to school is just wearing on me. It also is really hard to see Romania upset every day that I take him to the bus stop. He's in tears most days and it's so sad that there's so much stress on his little 9 year-old body. Part of me just wants to keep him home so he can get some much needed attention. Then Egypt says how much she wants to go to school with Romania. "I want to ride the bus and have the teacher teach me things and I want friends." I told her that right now it was very important that I be able to teach her the things God wants me to teach her and she can't learn that in public school. She paused for a minute and then said, "Can I go to school some of the time and then come home and you teach me the God things?"
Oh, if were only that easy.